


Thaw

by milowren



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Loki (Marvel), Camping, Feelings Realization, First Time, Hand Jobs, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Hypothermia, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Thor (Marvel), Pining, Protective Thor (Marvel), Sharing Body Heat, Sharing a Bed, Top Thor (Marvel), Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 17:53:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30025569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milowren/pseuds/milowren
Summary: For the hundredth time that day, Thor cursed his stupidity.Come on a camping trip with me, Loki, he’d said.It’ll be fun!  We won’t need our phones, we’ll just leave them in the car.  No distractions, just you and me!Yes, brilliant plan, Thor.  You and Loki will definitely be much closer after freezing to death.It was just that there had been so much distance between them lately.  Thor knew it was entirely his fault — he was the one who had decided to move across the country after all — but that only made him more determined to fix it.  All he had wanted was to spend some quality time with his brother, like the old days, before things had gotten weird between them.  There was no way he could have known there would be a freak blizzard two days into their trip.
Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 158





	Thaw

**Author's Note:**

> Well, well, how the turntables! It's been almost two years since I posted my last fic and I really thought I was a one-fic wonder, but this idea popped into my head during the snowpocalypse in the southern US a month ago and wouldn't leave me alone, so here we are. 
> 
> This was originally supposed to be straight-up whump, but it got a little angsty-er and, ahem, a lot smuttier than I intended. Honestly these boys told me what they wanted to do and I just had to listen.
> 
> In case ages matter to you, I pictured them both in their mid-twenties - Loki around 25 and Thor around 28.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Thor trudged along the snow-covered path, looking around frantically. He held his flashlight aloft, trying to widen the ray of light around him, but he could still see nothing but the swirling snow and trees in all directions. There was no light, save for the one in his hand, nor any sign of life among the woods.

For the hundredth time that day, Thor cursed his stupidity. _Come on a camping trip with me, Loki,_ he’d said. _It’ll be fun! We won’t need our phones, we’ll just leave them in the car. No distractions, just you and me!_

Yes, brilliant plan, Thor. You and Loki will definitely be much closer after freezing to death.

It was just that there had been so much distance between them lately. Thor knew it was entirely his fault — he was the one who had decided to move across the country after all — but that only made him more determined to fix it. All he had wanted was to spend some quality time with his brother, like the old days, before things had gotten weird between them. There was no way he could have known there would be a freak blizzard two days into their trip. He checked the weather every day the week before, and there wasn’t supposed to be snow anywhere near their campsite. 

Of course, as Loki had been all too quick to point out, if they had their phones they could have continued to track the weather and might have had more of an inkling ahead of time…

At the thought of Loki, Thor realized he hadn’t heard anything from his brother in a while. Loki had complained about the cold nonstop for a solid two hours after they started walking, first in search of their car and then, when it became clear they wouldn’t find it, in search of anywhere they could wait out the storm. Now that Thor had noticed it, his prolonged silence was more than a little ominous. Thor whirled around, using his flashlight to peer through the gloom behind him. 

At first, he saw nothing and his heart skipped a beat, thinking of Loki lost somewhere in the woods, who knew how far behind him. But then his brother trudged into view, shielding his eyes against the beam of the flashlight. Thor lowered it, his momentary relief faltering when he noticed how Loki swayed with each step, stumbling under the weight of his backpack.

Thor hurried to his brother, as quickly as he could through the several inches of fresh powder. When he reached Loki, he grabbed his arm to steady him. “You okay, Lo?”

Loki nodded, not really meeting Thor’s eyes. “Y-yeah,” he replied faintly, his teeth chattering. “I j-just need t-t-to rest…for a minute.”

Thor’s stomach sank. Loki hated to show weakness, especially to him; if he was admitting that he needed to rest, the cold must really be getting to him, even more than he was willing to let on. Thor wanted to take a break too, but he also knew the sooner they found shelter, the better.

“I’m sure there’s a cabin or something close by.” Thor fought to keep the note of worry out of his voice. “Just a littler further, okay? And then we can rest.”

Loki closed his eyes and nodded again. “Okay.”

Thor turned around and walked forward, making an effort not to get too far ahead of Loki this time. He scanned the trees, searching for some kind of shelter — hell, he’d even settle for a cave if they didn’t come across something else soon. He was beginning to wish they had just decided to try their luck with the tent, but with the amount snow falling, Thor hadn’t trusted that it wouldn’t collapse on them in the night. And Loki had already been shivering before they even started packing up their campsite; as soon as Thor saw that, he knew it was time for them to get out of there. 

If only the forest didn’t look so drastically different blanketed in white. Thor and Loki had come here at least once a year as teenagers, so it should have been no trouble for them to find their way out, even if it had been a few years. If they had their phones, they could have used GPS and would probably have already been in a hotel by now. But reading the map and finding the right trails in the dark when everything looked the same was proving to be next to impossible…for the hundred-and-first time that night, Thor cursed his stupidity. 

After a few minutes, he noticed the beam of Loki’s flashlight drifting to the side, away from their path. Thinking he must have spotted something, Thor looked back excitedly—

Just in time to see the flashlight fall from Loki’s hand as he pitched forward into the snow. 

“Loki!”

Thor rushed to his brother’s side and hauled him up by his shoulders. Loki’s eyes were closed, his skin the same color as the surrounding snow. Bits of it clung to his hair and the front of his coat, giving him the appearance of a fairytale prince cast under some spell.

Fairytale prince? Get it together, Thor. Now was not the time to get distracted by the kind of thoughts he’d been pushing out of his head for years.

“Loki? Loki, can you hear me?” Thor knew a brief moment of panic before Loki’s eyes opened, blinking up at him blearily.

“I’m sorry, Thor,” he said, his voice barely a whisper over the howl of the wind. He was shaking violently, practically vibrating. “I’m j-just t-t-too c-c-cold.” 

As Thor looked over Loki’s face, his unfocused eyes, his increasingly purple lips, he felt his first pang of true terror. Up until this moment, he’d been confident that they would find someplace to stay soon and get through this with a crazy story to tell. Now he realized Loki might not have that much time. 

Thor looked back and forth, weighing his options. Setting up the tent here would take too long, and Thor wasn’t sure that he would even be able to secure it with how much snow was on the ground. Reluctant as he was to leave Loki out here alone, it was dawning on him that he had no other choice. They needed to find shelter now, and Thor would definitely move faster on his own. 

“Okay, let’s come over here, out of the wind.” He helped Loki to his feet and led him to a small cluster of trees. As soon as they reached it, Loki collapsed with his back against one of the trunks; his legs didn’t seem to be obeying him anymore.

Thor slipped his backpack off one shoulder and rustled around until he found his small camping blanket. It wasn’t much, but he hoped it would be better than nothing. 

“Just wait here,” he said, wrapping the blanket around Loki’s shoulders. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“No!” Loki’s fingers locked around Thor’s wrist like a vice, surprisingly strong for how exhausted he seemed. “You’re leaving me?” 

Thor closed his hand over Loki’s and gently loosened his brother’s grip. “I have to. I need to find shelter for us.” _Before it’s too late._ He brought his hand to the back of Loki’s neck and looked into his eyes. “I promise, I’ll be back before you know it.” 

Loki stared back for a moment, then nodded. He had clearly understood what Thor wasn’t saying - that his life might very well depend on Thor finding shelter as soon as possible. “Hurry,” he said in a small voice.

Thor didn’t need to be told twice. He squeezed Loki’s neck again briefly, then stood and raced forward through the woods, all the while moving his flashlight from right to left and back again, searching for a house, a forest ranger’s station, even that cave he’d half joked about earlier. Anywhere that would protect Loki from this storm. 

_He’s going to be fine,_ Thor told himself. Loki was tough. Skinny, but tough. And stubborn too. There was no way he would allow himself to be taken out by anything as common as the weather. Maybe Thor would be able to convince him to start eating more after this; he might be faring better if he just had a little more insulation…

Thor was so lost in thoughts of his brother, he almost missed it. The beam from his flashlight just barely glanced off the corner of something, reflecting back at him for a split second. Thor continued on, realizing a moment later what he had seen. He whirled back around, desperately scanning the darkness.

He saw it. A window — his flashlight had reflected off the glass. Hidden in the trees, maybe twenty feet from the path, was a small cabin.

Thor could have cried with relief — they were saved! Dragging his feet through the snow, he ran awkwardly up to the glass and peered inside. It was obvious from how dark it was that the place must be empty, but Thor still knocked on the door quickly before shouldering it open.

It was just one room, which smelled strongly of dust and obviously had not been inhabited in a long time. Thor dropped his heavy camping backpack just inside the door and stepped forward to look around. His flashlight fell upon a bed in the corner. Just one, Thor noted, his mouth going dry — but he would worry about that later. He felt along the wall for a light switch, but found none; that probably would have stretched their luck to its breaking point. At least there was a fireplace, which Thor hurried toward. A fire would make the cabin easier to spot when he returned with Loki — and the sooner Loki could get warm, the better.

Satisfied that the fire was strong enough not to flicker out in his absence, Thor left to retrace his footsteps back to his brother. It was easier said than done; it must have snowed at least another inch or two in the short time it took Thor to find the cabin, and his footprints were all but obliterated. Keeping his eyes low, he followed the faint imprints that led back the way he came. 

At last, after several minutes, Thor spotted the beam of Loki’s flashlight ahead. “Loki!” he called, cupping his hands around his mouth to try to amplify his voice, “Come here! I found a cabin!”

The light didn’t move. Thinking Loki must not be able to hear him, Thor continued forward, closing the distance between himself and his brother.

He was about five feet away when he realized something was very wrong. 

Loki still had not made any move to get up, despite the fact that Thor was well within earshot now and most certainly visible, even through the near white-out. His head was bowed toward his chest and the blanket had been cast aside, which Thor vaguely recognized as a bad sign. “Loki?” he called again, more hesitantly this time. 

He was close enough now to drop to his knees to get a better look at Loki’s face. When he did, his blood, already chilled more than Thor had thought possible, turned to ice. 

Loki’s eyes were closed again, his skin somehow even paler that it had been when he first fell. His lips, going purple before Thor left, were now a deep grayish blue that bled out into the skin around his mouth. Most unsettling of all though was the fact that he was completely, utterly still; his face was slack, his shoulders motionless, his arms hanging limply at his sides, heedless of the fresh snow covering his gloved hands. He looked — 

No. _No._ Thor wasn’t even going to finish that thought. 

“Loki!!” Thor surged forward and grabbed Loki’s shoulders roughly. “Come on, Loki, wake up, please wake up,” Thor pleaded, shaking his brother as hard as he dared.

Loki’s head lolled back and forth as Thor shook him, but otherwise he did not even twitch in response. Thor took Loki’s face in his hands, lifting his head, and gently rapped his hand against Loki’s cheek. Still nothing. 

Thor didn’t understand. Loki had been awake and talking when he left — what was it, fifteen minutes ago? Twenty? How had he deteriorated so quickly?

_You took too long._

Panic beginning to choke him now, Thor tore off one of his gloves and held his hand just over Loki’s nose and mouth, holding his own breath, hoping against hope, not even daring to consider the alternative — 

When he felt the faint puff of air against his palm, Thor let out a sob, feeling positively dizzy with relief. Loki was alive. He wan’t too late.

Not willing to waste another second of Loki’s time, Thor threw his brother over his shoulder, backpack and all, in a fireman’s hold and sprinted back toward the cabin. He didn’t even notice the snow impeding his gait this time, nor did he feel Loki’s dead weight pushing down on him. He flew through the woods at twice the speed he had earlier. 

_Please be all right, please be all right, please be all right,_ Thor repeated furiously in his mind like a mantra as he carried Loki up the path, trying to block out the other thoughts bombarding him. Like how he never should have left Loki alone out there, how this was all his fault, how he would never, ever forgive himself if Loki wasn’t okay…

But he would be. He had to be. Thor pulled Loki’s limp body tighter around his shoulders and searched the woods ahead. It couldn’t be much further now.

Sure enough, it was barely a minute later when a glowing window came into view, lit from within by the fire Thor had thankfully thought to light ahead of time. _At least you got one thing right tonight._

Thor kicked the door open and rushed forward to lay Loki gently on the bed, setting his backpack to the side before turning back to pull the door closed behind him. The fire was still burning steadily, but he threw another log onto it anyway. The warmth was staggering after the frigid air and biting wind outside; pins and needles erupted over any skin Thor had exposed. But Thor didn’t have time to bask in the relief.

If he had hoped that Loki might miraculously wake up as soon as they were inside, he was sadly mistaken. Loki remained inert on the bed, exactly as Thor had left him. He was still so unnaturally still, as though made from marble instead of flesh and blood. To reassure himself, Thor felt for Loki’s breath again. For a heart-stopping moment, there was nothing — but no, Loki was still breathing, just much slower than normal. Thor lowered his hand to Loki’s neck to feel for his pulse, and discovered that it too was sluggish and weak.

His brother was clearly not out of danger yet, and Thor knew he needed to act quickly. Swallowing his panic, he tried to recall his Eagle Scout training from more than a decade before. In truth, he had not been the best student back then and he had often been distracted…but he could have sworn there was at least one lesson on how to deal with hypothermia…

All at once, it hit him. It was so obvious. Body heat.

For the second time that night, Thor’s mouth went dry. He couldn’t. He _shouldn’t._ The whole point of this trip was to prove that his...desires were in the past. It had been years, he was over it by now. But this would still feel too much like taking advantage…like he was seizing this opportunity to press himself against Loki’s unconscious body, skin to skin, touching his brother in ways he had only ever dreamed of, knowing that Loki would never find out, that it would be his secret…

 _No._ No, there had to be another way.

Moving closer to the fire seemed as good a place to start as any. Thor lifted Loki into his arms again and lowered them both onto the hearth, as close to the flames as he dared. He propped his brother up, Loki’s back to his chest, his head falling heavily against Thor’s shoulder. It was still more intimate than Thor was comfortable with — but at least they were clothed.

He pulled Loki’s gloves off, startled by how cold his hands were underneath, as though he had not been wearing gloves at all. His fingers were purple, tinged blue at the tips; Thor alternated between holding them up to the fire and rubbing them between his own, trying to massage life back into them. 

“Come on, Loki,” Thor murmured, bowing his head to Loki’s ear. “You have to wake up now. Open your eyes. _Please._ ” Thor’s voice broke on the last word. 

Loki gave no sign that he had heard. His face was as pale and quiescent as ever, his lips the same blue as his fingertips. 

It gradually dawned on Thor that this wasn’t going to be enough. Loki’s temperature must have fallen too low to be sufficiently raised by close proximity to a fire; he needed heat applied directly to his body. If only Thor could submerge him in a warm bath — or would it be dangerous to warm him that quickly? He supposed it didn’t matter. This place did not appear to have running water, let alone a bathtub. 

Well, there was no sense in agonizing over it any longer. He stood, staring down at Loki’s unmoving body in his arms. _You’re not doing this for you,_ Thor told himself, as if that would quell the guilt rising inside of him. _This is for Loki. To save Loki’s life._

He once again lowered Loki gently to the bed, pausing only briefly to gather himself before he leaned down to remove Loki’s boots. His fumbling hands struggled to undo the laces, which of course Loki had triple knotted. They finally gave, and Thor pulled off Loki’s shoes and socks, this time unsurprised to see that his feet had the same unhealthy coloring as his hands. 

He moved forward a bit to unzip Loki’s jacket, rolling Loki to one side and then the other to free his arms. After setting it aside — he suspected it might be useful later as a makeshift blanket to supplement the thin quilt covering the mattress — Thor turned his attention to Loki’s sweater. It took longer than it should have to pull Loki’s head and arms free; he was as limp as a rag doll, and his limbs were long and unwieldy. When Loki at last was down to just his black undershirt and jeans, Thor took another moment to collect himself. 

_This is for Loki, you’re doing this for Loki._ Despite knowing this was his brother’s best — and maybe only — chance for survival, no small part of Thor was convinced that he was doing this _to_ Loki, not for him. He took a deep breath and leaned forward to pull Loki’s shirt over his head.

Thor’s throat tightened at the sight of Loki’s bare chest. His skin was as milky and smooth as it had been in their youth, but he was much more toned than Thor remembered. It had been at least five years since he had allowed himself to see his brother shirtless — for obvious reasons. The trail of fine black hair that disappeared into the waistband of Loki’s jeans was new too. 

Swallowing thickly, Thor lowered his hands to hover over the button. How many times had Thor imagined doing this in different circumstances…but he couldn’t let his mind go down that road. Before he could hesitate any further, Thor undid the button and zipper in one motion and pulled the jeans down until Loki’s legs too were bare. His eyes roved over Loki’s lithe body before he could stop himself. He quickly covered him with the quilt, refusing to let himself look at Loki like this any longer than he had to. 

Thor removed his own clothing with shaking hands he could not even pretend were due to the cold. When all that remained were his briefs, he climbed into the bed beside his brother. _Loki, Loki, you’re doing this for Loki._

He pulled the quilt and their coats over the two of them, then took a moment to check Loki’s pulse again. It was still there — faint, barely detectable, but there. Shame welled up inside of Thor, his throat constricting painfully. Loki’s life hung in the balance, and Thor had allowed himself to be distracted and deterred by his own unnatural, perverse desires. 

_Never again,_ Thor thought desperately. _If he’s okay, I’ll never think about him like that again. I’ll be a good brother._

Lying on his side, Thor pulled Loki close until his back was flush against Thor’s bare chest. Shivering at the contact, he slid one leg between Loki’s and hooked the other over the top, making sure to keep his hips a safe distance away — he intended to keep the promise he had just made. Nestling his chin into the crook of Loki’s neck, he wrapped both arms tightly around his brother, enveloping him in his warmth. Loki’s chest barely stirred against Thor’s arms with each shallow breath.

_Please let this be enough. Please let him be all right._

Thor pressed his palm just over Loki’s heart, as if by doing so he could will it to keep beating.

****** 

Thor jerked awake suddenly, disoriented, his head swimming. He looked around the dimly lit room, not recognizing it for a few long moments. Slowly, the memories returned, and he became aware of two things at once.

First, that he could feel Loki’s chest expanding beneath his palm. And second, that his cock was pressed against Loki’s ass. 

Thor pulled away quickly, decidedly ignoring the second realization in favor of the first. He couldn’t believe he had fallen asleep. He didn’t think it had been for long — maybe a couple of hours, judging by the darkness outside — but still, he had intended to keep watch over Loki, not wanting to miss any changes in his condition. The ordeal must have exhausted him more than he realized. Propping himself up onto his elbow, Thor leaned over to peer into Loki’s face — and gasped. 

There was the faintest flush coloring Loki’s cheeks; his face was still pale, but it was almost Loki’s normal pale, nowhere near the death mask it had been before. His lips were rosier in tone too, and parted around deep, even breaths.

Thor could have wept in relief. But he wouldn’t, not until Loki was conscious again and he could be sure, absolutely sure, that he was going to be okay. He brushed Loki’s hair away from his face, letting his hand linger on his brother’s cheek. “Loki?” he croaked, voice husky with sleep and emotion both. 

For a moment, nothing happened. Thor’s heart sank, thoughts already racing ahead to permanent damage Loki might have suffered — but then Loki turned slightly to press his cheek against Thor’s palm, sighing softly. 

“Loki?” Thor said again, breath catching in his throat. He just barely resisted the urge to shake him, speaking a little louder instead. “Loki, can you hear me?”

Loki’s eyes squeezed shut, then slowly fluttered open. He looked around dazedly just as Thor had done, before his gaze locked onto his brother’s. “Thor?” he rasped weakly. “What…?”

Thor let out a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob, surging forward to gather Loki into a bone-crushing hug. He knew he should still be gentle, but his relief at seeing Loki’s eyes, awake and aware, and hearing his voice, was overwhelming. “Loki!” he sobbed into his brother’s neck. “You’re okay! You’re okay!”

“Thor!” Loki sounded embarrassed, his voice a bit strangled, but he didn’t pull away. After a few seconds, he loosely wrapped his arms around Thor and allowed him to continue blubbering into his shoulder. Only once Thor had calmed down a little did Loki pull back to look into Thor’s face with a mixture of confusion and concern. 

“I’m sorry.” Thor wiped his eyes, hiccuping a little. “I’m just…I’m really glad you’re okay.”

“So I gathered,” Loki said, looking away uncomfortably. “Now do you want to tell me what happened? And why we’re in bed together, practically naked?”

Thor choked, abruptly remembering the position they were in. He pulled the quilt over his lap in a move he hoped was subtle. It also suddenly occurred to him that this was probably the first hug he and Loki had shared in five years. No wonder Loki seemed a little shellshocked.

“Um…” Thor rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, unsure where to begin. “What do you remember?” 

Loki frowned. “I remember the storm…walking through the snow, trying to find somewhere to stay.” His brow furrowed. “You left me — to find this place, I assume. Right?” he hastened to add when Thor’s expression spasmed. 

Thor nodded. “Nothing after I left?”

Loki pulled at the ends of his hair, a move he always did when he was trying to concentrate. “I…I thought the storm was letting up. It started to feel warmer. I thought I might try to follow you, but —” Loki broke off, clearly frustrated by his lapse in memory.

That explained the blanket cast aside in the snow. Thor looked away from Loki, clearing his throat gruffly. He knew his brother wouldn’t like where this story was headed. “You passed out. When I got back, I found you unconscious, hypothermic. It was…bad.” He shuddered, remembering Loki’s all but lifeless body in his arms. 

When he could meet Loki’s gaze again, Loki was staring at him with wide, horrified eyes. 

Thor figured he might as well keep talking, since Loki seemed temporarily speechless. “I carried you back here. I tried to warm you up by the fire, but you were just too cold. So I…” he trailed off, gesturing vaguely at the bed around them.

Loki stared ahead blankly for a few more seconds, then appeared to shake himself. “Ah,” he said faintly. “Of course. Body heat.”

Thor looked down again, trying to hide the flush he could feel spreading across his face. He knew his attention toward Loki hadn’t gone unnoticed when they were younger. It was part of the reason he had moved away and kept his distance the last few years. He tried to think of something, anything he could say to fill the silence — 

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out suddenly, not entirely sure what he was even apologizing for.

“Sorry?” Loki jerked his head up to look at Thor sharply. “It sounds like you saved my life.” 

Thor shook his head. “It wouldn’t have needed saving if I hadn’t made you come on this stupid trip in the first place,” he said miserably. “I just — I know I haven’t been a great brother. Things have been…weird between us for a while. I just wanted us to get back to how we used to be. I…I’ve missed you.” 

The silence stretched on again until Thor couldn’t bear it, and he looked up to find Loki staring at him with an unreadable expression. 

“Thor,” he said slowly, “you didn’t _make_ me come on this trip. I wanted to…I missed you too.” He closed his eyes like he couldn’t stand to see Thor’s reaction to this confession. 

Thor’s heart leapt. Loki didn’t hate him. Loki _missed_ him. Maybe his feelings hadn’t been as obvious as he thought. Maybe Loki had no idea why he had moved across the country without warning, only returning for quick visits once a year. Maybe —

“So why have things been so weird between us?”

His hopes vanished as quickly as they had appeared. No such luck. “Well…,” Thor stalled, trying to think of the least incriminating explanation. “I just meant — we haven’t been as close as we used to be since I moved.”

“Hmm.” Loki did not appear convinced in the least. “You mean since you left without saying goodbye?” 

Thor started, taken aback. They had never talked about this. On some level, he had known that Loki had been hurt when he left…but he had maintained his facade of indifference so well for so long. “You were in school.” Thor heard the plea in his voice. “We had just seen each other, I thought —”

“Oh right,” Loki interrupted. “That was right after the last camping trip we went on together. I’m sure you remember it?”

How could Thor forget. Loki had been a junior in college, and Thor had graduated the year before. Ever since high school they’d had a customary camping trip they took together over spring break. It was their tradition, the one trip they took away from their parents and other friends.

They’d been getting along great that year. Thor still had…thoughts sometimes, but he had it under control. He had more or less convinced himself that his feelings for Loki were a childish delusion he had just about outgrown. Loki was his brother; he loved him more than anything. He had just gotten that confused with another kind of love for a while. 

Somehow, an argument had started between them — Thor couldn’t even remember what had caused it, but he was sure it was something stupid. The fight turned physical, as quarrels between brothers often did. Loki shoved Thor repeatedly until Thor’s temper got the better of him and he launched himself at Loki, flattening him and pinning him to the ground. 

All of the sudden, the tension between them had turned into something else. Loki stopped struggling beneath him and stared up Thor with wide eyes, his expression open and unguarded for once. His gaze dropped to Thor’s mouth and his eyes fell half-closed, his lips parted…Thor leaned forward before he could stop himself…

He realized what he was doing just in time and shoved himself up from the ground, unable to even look at Loki for the rest of the day. They had packed up their things in silence, and when Thor dropped Loki off back at school, he exited the car without a word. As soon as he got home, Thor started looking for jobs as far away as possible. He realized then that he couldn’t trust himself around his brother, and that he probably never would. 

“Loki…” Thor wasn’t sure what his brother remembered about that trip, but he wanted to avoid reminding him of anything if he could help it. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “I should have told you I was leaving. I only didn’t because I thought it might make it harder for me to go.”

Loki crossed his arms unhappily; Thor tried not to notice how the motion drew attention to his chest, which was still bare. “Why did you feel like you had to go?” 

Thor ran a hand through his hair. “I just…I needed to get away.”

“From me?” Loki asked shrewdly, his mouth twisting.

 _Yes._ “No!” Thor protested. “No…to be honest, I needed to get away from _me._ There were some things…I didn’t really like about myself. I thought if I was in a new place, it would be easier for me to change.”

That unreadable expression was back on Loki’s face. “I liked who you were before,” he said quietly.

A lump rose into Thor’s throat. He tried to think of how to respond to that, but was spared when Loki started coughing. 

“Are you okay?” Thor reached forward in concern but caught himself at the last second, letting his hand fall awkwardly. 

“I’m fine,” Loki said, a bit hoarsely. His eyes were fixed on Thor’s hand where it had landed in his lap. “Just a little thirsty.”

Thor could have facepalmed. Loki had nearly died a few hours ago, of course he was thirsty. Thor should have offered him water as soon as he woke up, but he had just been so overcome with relief at first and then distracted by their conversation. 

Jumping out of the bed, he hurried across the room to retrieve the water bottle from his backpack. There wasn’t much, but hopefully they would be able to ration it until the storm cleared enough for them to leave. 

“Here.” He handed the bottle to Loki. “I think this is all we have left, but I guess we can melt some snow if we get really desperate.” 

Loki raised the bottle to his lips with both hands, taking a long sip before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and setting the bottle aside. “Thanks,” he said, collapsing back against the headboard. He suddenly looked exhausted. 

“You should rest.” Thor glanced at the bed, then quickly looked away. “I’ll set up a sleeping bag on the floor.” He was already turning toward his backpack again when Loki stopped him. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Thor,” he said tiredly. When Thor looked at him with raised eyebrows, Loki just shrugged. “This is still the best way to stay warm.” 

Thor hesitated for a moment, but Loki was right. The fire didn’t seem to be giving off nearly as much heat as when they first arrived; the cabin must not have been insulated well enough to retain it. “If you insist,” Thor replied, aiming for a casual tone as he climbed back into the bed beside his brother. 

Making sure to maintain a careful distance, Thor settled in and pulled the quilt and coats back over the two of them. As he did, Loki chuckled. “What?” Thor asked nervously.

Loki lifted a hand out from under the covers to pluck at one of the jackets. “I see you decided to improvise.”

“Oh. Well, yeah. This blanket is pretty thin, I wasn’t sure it would be warm enough.”

Loki raised an eyebrow at him. “You didn’t think to use our sleeping bags?”

This time, Thor really did facepalm. “No,” he groaned, his hand still over his eyes. “I was a little…beside myself, I guess. Here, I’ll get them now.” He started to get out of the bed again, but was stopped by Loki’s hand on his arm. He met Loki’s gaze to find his brother looking at him with more fondness than he could remember seeing in years.

“It’s fine, Thor,” he said, surprisingly gently. “Really. You’ve done enough. More than enough.” He gave Thor a small, genuine smile. “I meant what I said before — you saved my life tonight.” 

Thor closed his eyes, unable to return Loki’s smile. “Only because I—” _put it in danger_ , he started to say, but Loki cut him off. 

“It doesn’t matter how we got into this situation. What matters is you were there for me when I needed you. Hey, look at me.” Thor forced himself to meet his brother’s eyes. “Thank you,” Loki said earnestly. 

The lump was back in Thor’s throat, his eyes burning painfully. He had expected Loki to be embarrassed and defensive, but this gratitude was even worse. Thor didn’t deserve it, not when he was the one who had gotten them into this mess, when he had left Loki alone in the cold, when he’d hesitated to do what was needed to save Loki because of his own shameful infatuation. He had invited Loki on this trip to prove he could trust himself around his brother now, and instead he had almost gotten him killed. 

A sob burst from Thor’s lips before he could stop it. Then another. And another. 

“Oh no.” Loki’s voice was strained. “No, I didn’t mean to make you cry again! Please — please don’t cry, Thor.”

Thor’s vision blurred, his shoulders shaking as he gasped for breath. “I—I almost lost you. I thought I lost you,” he sobbed, covering his face with his hands. 

“You didn’t! You didn’t lose me...here.”

Thor felt Loki reach up to take one of his hands away from his face. He placed it directly over his heart, exactly where it had been before.

“I’m here, Thor. I’m here.”

“Loki...” Thor tried to pull his hand away, but Loki held it in place with his own, shushing him.

Thor let himself be lulled by the gentle rise and fall of Loki’s chest, his own breathing gradually evening out too. He could feel Loki’s heart thumping steadily against his ribs; he focused on it, almost hypnotized. His eyes dragged closed, losing all sense of time as he listened to his brother breathe and felt his heart beat — two things he would not take for granted again.

Slowly, so slowly that at first Thor didn’t even notice, he realized his hand was moving — that Loki, his own hand still covering Thor’s, was moving both of their hands together. Not away from his body as Thor would have expected — but lower, further down Loki’s chest, a millimeter at a time. Thor held his breath, wondering if Loki knew what he was doing. Maybe he was asleep? But no, although Loki was breathing evenly, it was not the slow, rhythmic pattern of slumber…

It occurred to Thor that perhaps Loki thought _he_ was asleep, and he resolved to keep quiet, not wanting to startle him. At least until Loki moved his hand low enough for Thor’s thumb to brush against his nipple, and Thor couldn’t suppress his sharp intake of breath.

Loki froze, but he didn’t pull Thor’s hand away. If anything, his grip tightened, keeping it in place. Thor was transfixed, powerless to move even if he’d wanted to. 

As if his hand had a mind of its own, Thor’s thumb brushed over his brother’s nipple once more, lightly, just the barest touch. With a stifled gasp, Loki arched up slightly into Thor’s palm. Encouraged by his response, Thor repeated the motion, then ran his thumb in a small circle, mesmerized as he felt Loki’s nipple stiffen under his attention.

 _What does this mean,_ Thor wondered, but the thought floated away as Loki began to drag his hand lower down his body. He felt like he was in a trance, feeling the taut planes of Loki’s stomach beneath his fingertips, his thumb dipping into Loki’s navel. He couldn’t speak, wouldn’t have known what to say even if he could. He didn’t want to do anything that might break the spell they were under.

Until his fingers brushed the fine hair that he had noticed earlier below Loki’s navel, and he knew he had to say something.

“Loki…,” Thor whispered, his voice ragged. He flattened his palm on his brother’s abdomen to keep Loki from moving his hand any lower. “What are we doing?” 

Loki was quiet for a long moment. “What we both want,” he said softly, tracing his fingers over the back of Thor’s hand. “What we’ve always wanted, but been too afraid of.”

Thor was truly speechless now. Was Loki saying what he thought he was saying? But how — what —?

Loki kept talking. “Don’t tell me I’m alone in this.” He turned onto his side to look into Thor’s eyes, and Thor returned his gaze helplessly. “I saw the way you used to look at me. I know I’m the reason you left. But you didn’t need to.”

Thor’s throat tightened. He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Now Loki reached forward to run his hand down Thor’s chest, his eyes following the movement. “We’ve been denying it for years. And I’m tired. We could have died tonight; it sounds like I was pretty fucking close.” He looked back up at Thor, his eyes dark and determined. “I don’t want to deny this anymore.”

Thor still couldn’t breathe, his vision starting to fade around the edges. Nothing Loki was saying made any sense — there was no way he had felt the same way Thor had all this time, it wasn’t possible — 

Loki’s expression shifted to alarm. “Thor, breathe,” he said sharply, lifting his hand to Thor’s shoulder, shaking him. “Breathe!”

The air exploded from his lungs. “Loki,” he said brokenly. He felt lost. “You…you want this?”

Loki laughed breathlessly, his eyes shiny with tears. “You idiot,” he said fondly, and leaned forward to kiss him. 

Thor’s mind went completely blank — he might have forgotten how to breathe again for another few seconds. When he returned to his senses, Loki’s lips were still on his, warm and a little chapped from the wind and perfect. 

Like he had been thrown a lifeline after drowning for years, Thor grabbed hold with all his might. He wrapped one hand around Loki’s waist and buried the other in his hair, kissing him back hungrily. Loki parted his lips in response, and Thor dipped inside to taste him, running his tongue over Loki’s. His brother moaned, the sound reverberating through Thor, leaving him ravenous. 

He rolled Loki onto his back and pinned him down with his arms over his head, the way he had so many years before. Loki stared up at him with the same naked, open expression, looking as lost as Thor felt. 

This time, Thor didn’t push away. 

He leaned down to kiss Loki again, more slowly and deliberately. He wanted to savor every second. His body was a live wire; every spot where he and Loki connected sparked with electricity. How had he not noticed before that they fit together perfectly? He must have been determined not to see it.

Thor kissed his way from the corner of Loki’s mouth to his jaw, then down his neck — one of the most frequent fantasies of his wasted youth. He took his time, trailing his mouth from Loki’s collarbone up to his ear and back down again. Loki writhed beneath him, arching up against Thor’s chest. Almost experimentally, Thor rocked his hips against Loki’s, realizing with wonder that his brother was getting hard.

Still bracketing Loki between his arms, he moved lower to graze his teeth against the nipple he had caressed so gently earlier. Loki gasped, his hands flying to Thor’s head and burying themselves in his hair, holding him there. Thor ran his tongue over the pebbled flesh, gratified when Loki let out a low whine. 

He traveled further down Loki’s body, using his tongue to map all the same places that Loki had led their hands — from his chest, leaving openmouthed kisses along Loki’s ribcage, down to his stomach, where he paused, letting his breath ghost over the hair below Loki’s navel. Loki shivered. 

He looked up to find that Loki had propped himself onto his elbows to watch Thor; a flush was creeping from his face down to his chest, which was rising and falling rapidly. Thor knew the question was written all over his face, but he opened his mouth anyway. “Loki —,” he started, before Loki cut him off again.

“Don’t even think,” he hissed, not quite able to hide the waver in his voice, “about asking me if I’m _sure._ ”

Thor swallowed, sitting back a bit. He wanted to take Loki at his word — god, he wanted to take Loki in every way he _could_ — but this was a line he had kept himself from crossing for years. Thor needed to make sure that _he_ was sure before he hurtled them both over the edge.

“If we do this,” he said slowly, “there will be no going back.”

Loki stared at him through half-lidded eyes. “There’s already no going back.” 

Thor knew Loki was right — what they had done so far had undoubtedly changed things between them forever — but he still hesitated. He looked away, thinking…

Loki pushed himself further up onto his arms. “What do you need me to say?” he asked impatiently. “Do you need me to tell you that I want you to fuck me?”

Thor reeled as if he’d been slapped, jerking his eyes back to Loki’s. His expression was defiant, challenging. 

“I want you to fuck me, brother.” 

Sick as it might have been, it was the _brother_ that undid the last of Thor’s restraint. With a growl, he surged forward, yanking Loki’s hips down so he fell onto his back with a gasp. He removed his own briefs faster than he ever had in his life, then reached down to tear off Loki’s.

Loki’s cock sprang forward, hard and already leaking. Thor closed his eyes, utterly unmoored…until Loki tethered him back to earth by taking his hand. Just as he had before, he guided their entwined hands, this time to his cock.

Thor moaned at the feeling of Loki in his palm. It was everything like he imagined and nothing like he imagined, the warmth, the weight, so much more intense in real life. Loki moved their hands together, establishing a rhythm, until Thor took over and Loki let his hand fall to twist into the sheets. Thor kept his eyes on his brother’s face, watching with awe as Loki threw his head back, his brows drawn together in the center, mouth falling open around a moan. 

When Loki’s hips began to stutter against Thor’s hand, each breath a shallow gasp, Thor knew he was close, that it wouldn’t be much longer now. But instead of taking him all the way there, he slowed his pace. After all this time, all the years he had spent pining, never dreaming that this was possible, he selfishly wanted the first time he made his brother come to be while he was inside him. 

Suddenly an obstacle occurred to Thor, one he had been too caught up in the moment to think of before. He knew his size was not insignificant…and although Loki was clearly willing and eager, he did not want to hurt his brother by entering him unprepared. He pulled back again, looking desperately around the cabin — there was a microscopic kitchenette in the corner, maybe there was some oil—

“Thor, what the fuck?” Loki looked as indignant as he possibly could with his tousled hair and flushed face, covered in a thin sheen of sweat from forehead to chest. 

“Sorry!” Thor gestured awkwardly at himself, then back at Loki. “I don’t have anything to — you know —” Despite everything they had already done, Thor felt his face grow warm in embarrassment.

“Ah.” Loki closed his eyes, pointing vaguely to the side. “In my backpack…front pocket.”

Thor dove for the backpack, grateful he had left it right beside the bed when he brought Loki inside. When his fingers closed around a small bottle, he straightened, thunderstruck at the realization that Loki had suspected, even _hoped_ , that this would happen. 

He held the bottle up, eyebrows raised. “You brought _lube_ on our camping trip?” 

Unlike Thor, Loki did not appear the least bit embarrassed by this revelation. “Always be prepared,” he said with a shrug. 

Thor laughed at his brother’s brazenness; he could have kissed him again, but he didn’t want to waste any more time. He coated two fingers with the lubricant and reached between Loki’s legs, taking a second to steel himself before he pushed inside.

He and Loki groaned simultaneously, Thor’s own cock growing achingly hard. Loki was so tight, the heat of his body so inviting; it was all Thor could do not to remove his fingers and just shove in right then. But instead he took his time, opening Loki up slowly, gently, until his brother was writhing and panting, his back arching off the mattress, hips bucking into the air. 

“Come on, Thor.” Loki sounded wrecked already, hardly able to catch his breath. He reached down to tug at Thor’s hand. “I’m ready. I want you.”

Never in his life did Thor imagine that he would hear those words from his brother in these circumstances. Half afraid that this was all a dream he might wake up from at any moment, he hurried to comply, coating himself with more of the lubricant and moving over Loki to position the head of his cock at his brother’s entrance. He paused, locking eyes with Loki, one eyebrow slightly raised. Loki stared back for a few long seconds, like he was trying to soak in everything about this moment, then gave a tiny nod. 

Thor kept his eyes on Loki’s face again, not wanting to miss a single minute reaction as he entered him. Loki’s mouth fell open soundlessly, his eyes squeezing shut as Thor pushed in further. He went slowly, giving Loki’s body time to adjust to each movement. Halfway through, he saw Loki force himself to breathe and he stopped, until Loki nodded again jerkily for him to keep going. 

When he was fully inside, Thor reached one hand up to Loki’s face, twisting a lock of his hair around his finger. Loki’s eyes were still closed, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Thor thumbed at it until Loki let go, parting his lips with a shaky exhale. 

Thor realized then that his brother was trembling. “Are you okay?” he asked, worried. “Am I hurting you?” 

Loki shook his head. “No,” he said quickly, opening his eyes. “I’m all right. It’s just…a lot.” He looked up at Thor with too many emotions on his face for Thor to count.

Thor’s heart swelled with affection for his brother. For all his swagger and confidence earlier, Loki must have been feeling just as overwhelmed as Thor was. Thor leaned forward to kiss him softly. “It’s everything,” he said, resting his forehead against Loki’s.

They stayed like that for a moment, nose to nose, sharing each other’s breath. Thor memorized every inch of Loki’s body that he could feel pressed against his own, thinking he would almost be content to just hold his brother like this all night, even if they never did anything else. Then Loki pushed against his chest gently and he pulled back to look into his face again.

“That’s enough, you sap,” Loki said with a tremulous laugh. He wiped one of his eyes before giving Thor a playful look. “I seem to recall asking you to fuck me?”

Thor barked out a laugh of his own, not sure he would ever get over the shock of hearing Loki say those words to him. “You did.”

Loki raised his eyebrows suggestively. “Well, get on with it then,” he said, rolling his hips slightly.

Thor groaned, sagging forward onto his forearms as he rocked his hips to meet Loki’s. If he’d thought it was intense with just his fingers…this was another sensation entirely. Feeling Loki opening up around him, beneath him, surrounding him, was intoxicating in a way Thor had never experienced before. 

He kept his pace slow at first, keeping in mind that Loki had been near death just a few hours before. He seemed fine now, but Thor still thought it would be better for him not to overexert himself. Loki, however, had other ideas. He raked his nails down Thor’s back, hard enough to draw blood.

“You don’t have to coddle me.” Now he brought his hands to Thor’s ass and squeezed. “Come on, fuck me like you mean it. I know you want to.” 

For the second time that night, Thor didn’t need to be told twice. He thrust up into Loki with abandon, watching with satisfaction as Loki’s mouth dropped open with an _oh_. Lowering his hands to Loki’s thighs, he hiked his brother’s hips up higher, and Loki, taking the hint, wrapped his legs around Thor’s back. The sound he made when Thor thrust into him again would stay with Thor for the rest of his days. 

“Thor,” Loki moaned. “Oh god… _Thor_ …”

If Thor hadn’t already been close to the edge, hearing his brother moan his name like that certainly would have taken him there. He knew he wouldn’t last much longer like this. Collapsing forward, he brought his hand back to Loki’s cock, not wanting to come before his brother. 

After just a few strokes, Loki started to tense, his hips jerking up into Thor’s hand. “Oh god…Thor…I’m going to—”

Thor nodded against Loki’s neck. “Me too,” he breathed, mouthing mindlessly at Loki’s pulse, feeling it flutter beneath his lips, so alive. “ _Ah_ — Loki—”

He felt Loki’s body begin to spasm beneath his and he pushed himself up to watch his brother’s face contort in ecstasy as he came. Loki’s expression sent Thor over the edge right after him and he thrust up once more, emptying himself inside his brother with a shout.

When he came back to his body, Loki was still clinging to his shoulders weakly, stroking his hair with one hand. Thor rested his ear to Loki’s chest, listening as his heartbeat slowly returned to a normal rhythm, basking in everything about this moment.

“Well,” Loki said at last, sounding as dreamy as Thor felt, “that’s certainly one way to stay warm.” 

Thor laughed breathlessly, feeling impossibly grateful. For his brother’s life, for his courage to admit what Thor might never have been able to, even for the storm that had led them here. 

He could tell from Loki’s breathing that he was already drifting toward sleep. Extricating himself from the bed carefully, he retrieved a small towel from Loki’s backpack and cleaned the two of them up. As he started to walk away, Loki’s hand caught his wrist. “Thank you, Thor,” he murmured without opening his eyes. 

Thor’s breath caught in his throat. _I love you,_ he wanted to say. But he knew that Loki already knew. And more importantly, he knew that there would be plenty of time to tell him later. Over and over again, in as many ways as he could. 

Thor threw another log onto the dwindling fire, before moving to peer out the window. It was still snowing steadily. Thor surprised himself by hoping it would be a while before it stopped. He wouldn’t mind staying here a bit longer. 

He climbed back into the bed where Loki was sleeping peacefully and held him close, knowing that he would never need to let him go again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!


End file.
